What does politically correct mean? If you're fat, don't ask me if you're fat, because I'm gonna tell you the truth. You're fat.

My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character.

Hey Steve, no offense, but if you couldn't shoot, there would be no reason for you to be alive.

I was a Republican until they lost their minds

We're just playing basketball. It's not like we're going out to have unprotected sex with Magic.

You know what I always say about basketball whenever anybody tried to tell me the Knicks are gonna be good: They're old. Old people don't get healthy. They die.

I don't know what that gas is made of, but it can't smell any worse than Ernie Johnson 's gym bag.