I was a Republican until they lost their minds

I don't listen to the refs. I don't listen to anyone who makes less money than I do.

If Michael Jordan was a damn plumber, he couldn't get a date. Any guy got $500 million looks good.

But when I see a story on welfare on television, they only show black people.

On his homesickness during the Barcelona Olympics -I miss America. I miss crime and murder. I miss Philadelphia. There hasn't been a brutal stabbing or anything here the last 24 hours. I've missed it.

The meek may inherit the earth, but they wont get the ball from me.

To me, there's only 5 real jobs in America: Police Officers, Teachers, Firefighters, Doctors, and the Military Service.