The early bird gets the worm but the late bird doesn't even get the late worm.

I guess babysitters are like used cars... You never really know what you're getting.

Humor is proof that everything is going to be all right with God nevertheless.

Duck, big brother! Here comes another day!

Sometimes I feel that life has passed me by... Do you ever feel that way, Charlie Brown?" "I feel that it has knocked me down and walked all over me!

Dear IRS, I am writing to cancel my subscription. Please remove my name from your mailing list.

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.