People can't figure me out; they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain.

I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

The last time I used? What do you mean? I used my toaster this morning.

The best way to not get your heart broken, is pretending you don't have one.

We're going to shoot one Polaroid per show. I'm going to sign this before it even develops because I know that once it develops with my signature on it, it's worth a fortune. I'll make this a work of magic warlock art.

I still don't have all the answers. I'm more interested in what I can do next than what I did last.

The paramedic called the press and sold me like a loaf of bread. This was news, and he wanted to be the one to report it.