I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies.

I'm kind of old-fashioned in a lot of ways. I prefer mano a mano. Even if you have two girls in the house, it's not like we're together all the time. But I need variety.

I am grandiose because I live a grandiose life; what’s wrong with that?

But you can't focus on things that matter if all you've been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know.

Uncertainty is a sign of humility, and humility is just the ability or the willingness to learn.

The best way to not get your heart broken, is pretending you don't have one.

What they're not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes.