I haven't a clue why I've lasted so long. There's no reason. There are many people more talented than me. I think it's luck.

I was a shy ugly kid who led a big fantasy life. I thought I was an angel sent from heaven, to cure polio. When Dr. Salk did that I was really pissed off.

I remember a great America where we made everything. There was a time when the only thing you got from Japan was a really bad cheap transistor radio that some aunt gave you for Christmas.

My mother once said "If you don't pay attention to age, then it won't pay attention to you." And she says it, and it sounds nice, but I don't buy it.

I'm like a bumper car. When I did an infomercial I was fodder for every TV comedy show. I couldn't get a job. People said I was a huge joke. I've been a joke so many times. I've been on my way out since I started, but I'm strong-willed. My mother is so much tougher than I am and my grandmother is so much tougher than my mother.

It's a dirty job being ridiculous, but I'll do it

I wouldn't give myself any advice, because advice is kinda bullshit. Take a deep breath and don't take any of it too seriously.