If a man's a good kisser, he's a great f-.

It's a dirty job being ridiculous, but I'll do it

Donald Trump can't come up with a hairstyle that looks human, how can he come up with a plan to defeat ISIS.

Christian said he'd call the next day, but in boy time that meant Thursday.

I always wanted to be famous because I thought that if I couldn't be good [at something], I'd be famous. I was never really good. I was just something different and I got to be famous for being different.

It's my body and if I want to do it like Michael Jackson, I will. My nose bothered me for a long time. Now it's smaller and I'm happy. If I wanna put my tits on my back, they're mine!

Until you're ready to look foolish, you'll never have the possibility of being great.