You rarely hear anyone use the word pancreas in a not-horrible context.

Relationships are a lot like yard sales. They look really fun from a couple hundred feet away, but eventually you realize it's just a bunch of crap you don't need.

If the right opportunity came along, maybe, but I'm more focused on trying to create a TV show where I can be myself, rather than playing a wacky neighbor. Although, I would gladly play a wacky neighbor of any sort.

Pimp stands for Positive Intellectual Motivated Person. It has nothing to do with selling sex for money.

I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.

Basically, I got into stand-up because I'm too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.

There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.