You rarely hear anyone use the word pancreas in a not-horrible context.

I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.

It's my genius plan of avoiding any career momentum whatsoever. Definitely the pop-culture thing is something I've avoided in my act. It's just too transitory and ephemeral.

My abject hatred of actors and the acting world. I went to college as an actor, and halfway through, I switched to playwriting and directing. Then I spent a couple years working in publishing, doing some freelance journalism for The Village Voice and Musician magazine. I thought my life was going to be as a writer, but then I realized I missed performing, so I got into comedy. It was a nice combination of things I was sort of good at. I was a pretty good writer and a decent actor, but I didn't really like acting, and I didn't have the discipline to be a writer.

Growing up as a comedian, the first thing you dream of is having your own album, but even more than that, I always wanted that hour special on cable.

Jesus is a powerful guy in Hollywood. Not quite as powerful as Vin Diesel, but powerful.

I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.