Relationships are a lot like yard sales. They look really fun from a couple hundred feet away, but eventually you realize it's just a bunch of crap you don't need.
Christian FinneganBasically, I got into stand-up because I'm too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.
Christian FinneganSome of you guys must have real jobs - office jobs. Anybody? By a show of broken spirits.
Christian FinneganI used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.
Christian FinneganIf think the pig was terrified because he was fully aware that after segment he was going to be fed to Al Roker.
Christian FinneganI had no choice but to make me as a comedian, because I am not particularly gifted with a lot of marketable skills. Unless I really want to spend the rest of my life temping, or teaching drama to third-graders, I don't have a lot of other options - which is freeing, in a way. I never have to say, "Well, I could always go back to law school."
Christian Finnegan