I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.

If you purchased the latest Joss Stone CD, what you're saying is that you're an employee of VH1.

There's something so awesome about being able to get up in front of a microphone and do exactly what you want. Stand-up is as close as you're ever going to get to being 100 percent in control of a situation artistically, and I don't understand why people wouldn't want to keep doing that.

Jesus is a powerful guy in Hollywood. Not quite as powerful as Vin Diesel, but powerful.

I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.

People might say, What's so great about the Arctic Monkeys? I've never even seen them. Well, you've never seen God either. You're gonna tell me he's not awesome?

My abject hatred of actors and the acting world. I went to college as an actor, and halfway through, I switched to playwriting and directing. Then I spent a couple years working in publishing, doing some freelance journalism for The Village Voice and Musician magazine. I thought my life was going to be as a writer, but then I realized I missed performing, so I got into comedy. It was a nice combination of things I was sort of good at. I was a pretty good writer and a decent actor, but I didn't really like acting, and I didn't have the discipline to be a writer.