I've always prided myself on being able to perform in the "alt-comedy" zone, but also being able to do comedy for people who aren't media-saturated, and maybe don't have the latest Dan Deacon album. I probably won't be the most popular guy at Zanies in Nashville, and I'll never be the coolest dude at Largo, but I like that I can swim in both those waters.

I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.

I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.

If think the pig was terrified because he was fully aware that after segment he was going to be fed to Al Roker.

My abject hatred of actors and the acting world. I went to college as an actor, and halfway through, I switched to playwriting and directing. Then I spent a couple years working in publishing, doing some freelance journalism for The Village Voice and Musician magazine. I thought my life was going to be as a writer, but then I realized I missed performing, so I got into comedy. It was a nice combination of things I was sort of good at. I was a pretty good writer and a decent actor, but I didn't really like acting, and I didn't have the discipline to be a writer.

I'm not an alcoholic. I just drink that way.

I think I speak for America when I say, nothing says NASCAR like Whoopi Goldberg.