He has the attention span of a hummingbird.

That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.

So I am death" Charlie said then turned to his daughter while buttering his toast. "This is death toast sweety.

May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense.

Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place.

You think you know how this story is going to end, but you don't.

Even a mentally challenged shark would figure out that sea turtles did not wear boxer shorts printed in flying piggies, and no sea turtle would be yattering streams of obscenities between chain-smoker gasps of breath.