Shoes off in the whale! And don't try and make a break for the anus.

Sweetheart, wake up; you've destroyed the house and I need you to suffer for it.

Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell

No one knows why, but second only to eating the brains of the living, the dead love affordable prefab furniture.

She pulled down the blanket and aimed baby Sophie's bottom at him like she might unleash a fusillade of weapons-grade poopage such as the guileless Beta Male had never seen.

That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.

That's the scary thing about hope," she said. "If you let it go too long it turns into faith.