This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone's faith; however, if one's faith can be shaken by stories in a humorous novel, one may have a bit more praying to do.

Like God's own chocolate, I'd lick her shadow off a hot sidewalk

It’s like he has this power over me—like I have an eating disorder and he’s a package of Oreo Double Stuff cookies.

He has the attention span of a hummingbird.

Pondering is a little like considering and a little like thinking, but looser. To ponder, one must let the facts roll around the rim of the mind's roulette wheel, coming to settle in whichever slot they feed pulled to.

An original thought would crack your feeble skull like a thunderbolt, you craven vulture.

All fear comes from trying to see the future, Biff. If you know what is coming, you aren't afraid.