Like God's own chocolate, I'd lick her shadow off a hot sidewalk

It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.

Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place.

Which is why you chose to wear that delightful ensemble from the skank-wear collection at Hoes-n-Thangs?" -Tommy

This is the man who called the fire department when the toilet backed up, and I'm asking him for help. What was I thinking? Why am I attracted to weak men?

Why understand when you can believe?

If you like what you're reading, I probably wrote it.