If there was anything I learned from John the Baptist, it was that the sooner you confess a mistake, the quicker you can get on to making new and better mistakes.

Not unlike the toaster, I control darkness.

Anger is the spirits telling you that you are alive.

Oh, I would while away the hours, Wanking in the flowers, my heart all full of song, I'd be gliding all the lilies as I waved about my willie, If I only had a schlong.

It was sometimes difficult to reconcile a man's talents with his personality.

Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say "attaboy".

She knew it should bother her more, being evil and all, but after she put on a little mascara and some lipstick and poured herself another cup of blood-laced coffee, she found that she was okay with it.