The yearbook voted me most likely to be scraped off an onramp by a puking fireman.

We're looking for answers in a landfill instead of looking to people who bring the light.

How do we help the church get their respect back? I have a plan: pedophile crucifixions.

Texas is a hell hole, man. Dirt, cactus, lizards, dirt, cactus, the Bush family.

Whenever you're pissed off, just remember that it's better than being pissed on.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. Some say, it's the only time we're perfect. You're also born covered in blood and placenta. No one gets nostalgic about that.