Humans are born, weak and helpless. We're cursed with natural predators called parents. That's why the grandma was created. To protect us. Oh sure, she's old and frail. But she can kick your dad's ass.

Denial is a powerful weapon. My dad taught me mind over matter. No matter how hurt I got, he didn't mind.

My parents' divorce settlement involved a bar tab.

Born free. Taxed to death.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

So what if your custom car shop tanks and you've gotta take a crappy job at an auto parts store, dealing with ignorant, pushy people. I'm okay with that, 'cause I'm an ignorant, pushy people person.

My father never missed a drink in his life. Or a joint. Or a party. Or a chance to get laid. He also never missed a day of work, or a house payment, or a car payment. I never went hungry, although he did a couple of times so I wouldn't.