Osama Bin Laden is dead? Oh my God, that was so easy! And it only took two trillion dollars, two wars and too many good men.

I'm the sort of loser who succeeds really well and then drops a turd in the punch bowl.

Losing builds character. You know who said that? A loser! Guy who got his ass stomped every day, basketball, football, baseball, lose, lose, lose and lose. All right, I'm talking about me.

My first car was a 1977 Oldsmobile Delta 88. Ugly car. More ugly on this car than a Rolling Stones group photo.

Born free. Taxed to death.

We're looking for answers in a landfill instead of looking to people who bring the light.

Revenge is good. It's what separates us from the animals and the hippies.