You gain power by pretending to be weak.

Imagine how you’d feel if your whole life turned into a job you couldn’t stand.

Trust me, the being-dead part is much easier than the dying part. If you can watch much television, then being dead will be a cinch. Actually, watching television and surfing the Internet are really excellent practice for being dead.

No matter what else you came up against, if you could smile and laugh while a monkey did you with chestnuts in a dank concrete basement while somebody took pictures, well, any other situation would be a piece of cake

Somehow it seems wrong to photograph a blind person. It’s like stealing something valuable they don’t even know they own.

The damaged loves the damaged.

Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?