You are permanent, but this life is not.

A good story should make you laugh, and a moment later break your heart.

To see how boring you really are, write a book about soap and cults, and the profits you make will be your only means of subsistence.

Everything is funnier in retrospect, funnier and prettier and cooler. You can laugh at anything from far enough away.

Burn the Louvre, and wipe your ass with the Mona Lisa. This way at least, God would know our names.

All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.

What we think of as Halloween is really the product of media barons, city mayors, and candy-makers. You know, before the 1920s, Halloween was really a terrible, terrible night.