Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer.

That if you could acquire enough, accomplish enough, you’d never want to own or do another thing. That if you could eat or sleep enough, you’d never need more. That if enough people loved you, you’d stop needing love.

You have a choice. Live or die. Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. To be or not to be.

You can say anything if enough people will listen.

Trust me, the being-dead part is much easier than the dying part. If you can watch much television, then being dead will be a cinch. Actually, watching television and surfing the Internet are really excellent practice for being dead.

I told him to buy land, my mum says, they’re not making it anymore.

Every time I write something, I think, this is the most offensive thing I will ever write. But no. I always surprise myself.