People would ask me to autograph their bodies and then the next time I'd see them on tour they'd have my autograph tattooed. I decided I wouldn't write on people anymore, but I'd give them arms and legs and if they wanted those autographed I'd do that.

How can you possibly believe he really loves you?” Miss Sneezy looks from the Mother to the Saint to Mr. Whittier’s hand.“You have no choice,” Mr. Whittier tells her. “If you need to be loved.

People will listen to you only when they know you're dying, otherwise they're just waiting for their turn to talk.

Just for the record, the weather today is increasing turmoil with a possible physical and emotional breakdown.

The future you have, tomorrow, won't be the same future you had, yesterday.

As the stupidest person in the room, I always had the most to gain.

Writers should be able to fully deduct from their taxes all writing-related expenses, including alcohol, parking tickets, court judgments, fines for lewd public behavior, Zoloft, and cigarettes.