If people thought you were dying, they gave you their full attention.

Daytime television, you can tell who’s watching by the three kinds of commercials. Either it’s clinics for drying out drunks. Or it’s law firms who want to settle injury suits. Or it’s schools offering mail-order vocational degrees to make you a bookkeeper. A private detective. Or a locksmith. If you’re watching daytime television, this is your new demographic. You’re a drunk. Or a cripple. Or an idiot.

What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven.

Imagine a plague you catch through your ears.

All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.

At some point, your memories, your stories, your adventures, will be the only things you'll have left.

I have a lot of money.