This is the biggest mistake I could think would save me. I wanted to give up the idea that I had any control. Shake things up. To be saved by chaos. To see if I could cope, I wanted to force myself to grow again. To explode my comfort zone.

Today is just one of those days the sun comes out to really humiliate you.

I wanted to destroy everything beautiful I'd never have.

More than one side? You're Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jackass!

I need to rebel against myself. It's the opposite of following your bliss. I need to do what I most fear.

You tell yourself that noise is what defines silence. Without noise, silence would not be golden. Noise is the exception. Think of deep outer space, the incredible cold and quiet where your wife and kid wait. Silence, not heaven, would be reward enough.

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.