Those who remember the past tend to get the story really screwed up.

Reality means you live until you die. The real truth is nobody wants reality.

I've met God across his long walnut desk with his diplomas hanging on the wall behind him, and God asks me, 'Why?' Why did I cause so much pain? Didn't I realize that each of us is a sacred, unique snowflake of special unique specialness? Can't I see how we're all manifestations of love? I look at God behind his desk, taking notes on a pad, but God's got this all wrong. We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. And God says, 'No, that's not right.' Yeah. Well. Whatever. You can't teach God anything.

For the most part my friends can always be more entertaining than the tube ever can be.

You know how both life and porno movies end. The only difference is life starts with the orgasm.

Every character sees the world through a framework of education and experience that they're proud experts about. To write a character, find out what they know best, and THEN you'll know how they'll describe a "hot day." Or a "pretty girl."

Oh love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me. I'll be anybody you want me to be.