Art never comes from happiness.

Everything is a self-portrait. A diary. Your whole drug history’s in a strand of your hair. Your fingernails. The forensic details. The lining of your stomach is a document. The calluses on your hand tell all your secrets. Your teeth give you away. Your accent. The wrinkles around your mouth and eyes. Everything you do shows your hand.

We've been speaking English as a second language so long that we've forgotten it as our first.

You're not getting this back you know. Consider it an asshole tax.

If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time, could I wake up as a different person?

Writers should be able to fully deduct from their taxes all writing-related expenses, including alcohol, parking tickets, court judgments, fines for lewd public behavior, Zoloft, and cigarettes.

Just keep asking yourself: What would Jesus not do?