My first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.

It's just the biggest mistake I could think to make

Part of her doing suicide intervention is my caseworker has to mix me another gin and tonic.

There's worse that people can steal from you than money.

You have a choice. Live or die. Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. To be or not to be.

His saliva tasted like the wet dicks of ten thousand lonely truck drivers.

Proof that no investment is yours forever.