I am kind of like a diesel. It is the cyclist in me.

I want people to be inspired that I've always strived for excellence and I've always gone beyond what anybody ever thought I could do, what I thought I myself could do. And I've allowed myself to be inspired, kept my eyes open and my senses open to inspiration around me.

Ive had so many experiences in cycling, but in some ways I have nothing left to prove. I have achieved more than I could have dreamed of, Ive raced a lot longer than I thought I would. I know I can still be better, but I just dont know if I love it enough any more.

Sport that consumed me for over two decades . . . is now gone. Now it's just me. No pressure, no expectations, no need to be fast, good, strong or to even improve. Yet I can't let go of this idea that I always need to be more than I am. And it is eating me alive.

The only reason I've shared my story is to take that tiny baby step of breaking down the stigma attached to depression.

That's what is most satisfying, is having overcome that pain. Pain that is so intense that when you finish, it feels like you're going to die. That's what I wanted, and that's what I got.

I am nowhere near my limit. I just want to see if there are such things as limits. I want to go and find out.