If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

I find it hard to say, because when I was there it seemed to be shut.

There's no law that decrees when not to whinge, but you reach a certain age - 80 seems about right - when you're expected to manifest querulousness - the coffee's too hot, the boiled egg's too soft.

Owning a racehorse is probably the most expensive way of getting on to a racecourse for nothing.

The depressing thing about an Englishman's traditional love of animals is the dishonesty thereof ... Get a barbed hook into the upper lip of a salmon, drag him endlessly around the water until he loses his strength, pull him to the bank, hit him on the head with a stone, and you may well become fisherman of the year. Shoot.the salmon and you'll never be asked again.

I was going to talk about Nicholas Parsons' ignorance, but 18 seconds would be a wholly insufficient time.

Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish.