Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish.

I've known Nicholas Parsons for a fairly long time and his geniune pleasures are in rubber tubes, metal clips

If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit

If you mind losing more than you enjoy winning, don't bet.

To barbecue is a way of life rather than a desirable method of cooking.

The depressing thing about an Englishman's traditional love of animals is the dishonesty thereof ... Get a barbed hook into the upper lip of a salmon, drag him endlessly around the water until he loses his strength, pull him to the bank, hit him on the head with a stone, and you may well become fisherman of the year. Shoot.the salmon and you'll never be asked again.

In moments of considerable strain, I tend to take to bread-and-butter pudding. There is something about the blandness of soggy bread, the crispness of the golden outer crust and the unadulterated pleasure of a lightly set custard that makes the world seem a better place to live.