As far as I'm concerned, the only difference between the Republicans and the Democrats is the Republicans are Socialists and the Democrats are Bolsheviks.

I consider the 3 most cruelly produced foods to be from lobsters, dropped alive into boiling water, veal from calves separated from their mothers and kept in crates, and pate de foie gras.

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

...one of the ways in which cats show happiness is by sleeping.

The National Park Service shot a mule in the face. He survived but had trouble swallowing and often food came out of his nose.

Opera is like a husband with a foreign title: expensive to support, hard to understand, and therefore a supreme social challenge.

I've always had a sneaking fondness for Martin Van Buren. He wrote his autobiography, you know, and never once mentioned his wife. Now that's what I call a mans man.