In my day the schools taught two things, love of country and penmanship-now they don't teach either.

...one of the ways in which cats show happiness is by sleeping.

Every damn President since I can remember has been so in love with foreign policy that they're just like a schoolboy with a new girl.

Cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human mind. They realize...that we have an infuriating inability to understand, let alone follow, even the simplest and most explicit of directions.

Relations between the sexes are so complicated that the only way you can tell if members of the set are going together is if they are married. Then, almost certainly, they are not.

Have you ever heard one civilized person whose opinion you respect, at any time, anywhere, in any civilized country anywhere, say the good new days?

The customer is always right! John Wanamaker must be turning in his grave. If you're a customer today, you're an intruder.