The customer is always right! John Wanamaker must be turning in his grave. If you're a customer today, you're an intruder.

People ask me what makes a good funeral, and I tell them the most important thing is your man in the casket. If you have a man of substance in there, you have the makings of a first-class funeral.

I detest professional anythings but particularly professional writers. Most of them today are just garbage collectors.

Cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human mind. They realize...that we have an infuriating inability to understand, let alone follow, even the simplest and most explicit of directions.

As far as I'm concerned, the only difference between the Republicans and the Democrats is the Republicans are Socialists and the Democrats are Bolsheviks.

You can't make the Duchess of Windsor into Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. The facts of life are very stubborn things.

Every damn President since I can remember has been so in love with foreign policy that they're just like a schoolboy with a new girl.