The customer is always right! John Wanamaker must be turning in his grave. If you're a customer today, you're an intruder.

I can't take a well-tanned person seriously.

I consider the 3 most cruelly produced foods to be from lobsters, dropped alive into boiling water, veal from calves separated from their mothers and kept in crates, and pate de foie gras.

You can't make the Duchess of Windsor into Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. The facts of life are very stubborn things.

People ask me what makes a good funeral, and I tell them the most important thing is your man in the casket. If you have a man of substance in there, you have the makings of a first-class funeral.

The National Park Service shot a mule in the face. He survived but had trouble swallowing and often food came out of his nose.

Opera is like a husband with a foreign title: expensive to support, hard to understand, and therefore a supreme social challenge.