The customer is always right! John Wanamaker must be turning in his grave. If you're a customer today, you're an intruder.

In my day the schools taught two things, love of country and penmanship-now they don't teach either.

Every damn President since I can remember has been so in love with foreign policy that they're just like a schoolboy with a new girl.

I've always had a sneaking fondness for Martin Van Buren. He wrote his autobiography, you know, and never once mentioned his wife. Now that's what I call a mans man.

You can't make the Duchess of Windsor into Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. The facts of life are very stubborn things.

...one of the ways in which cats show happiness is by sleeping.

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.