I've been so relieved and so grateful to not have a god to believe in.

I think husbands and wives should live in separate houses. If there's enough money, the children should live in a third.

I'm so sick of Betty White. Never liked her.

Why can't we build orphanages next to homes for the elderly? If someone were sitting in a rocker, it wouldn't be long before a kid will be in his lap.

For the love of God, will someone please punch me in the face so I can see some stars?

I make fun whenever I go. If I go to restaurant by myself, rest assured, people will be talking about it.

When something is truly funny, it's funny all the time.