Real life is about reacting quickly to the opportunity at hand, not the opportunity you envisioned. Not thinking and scheming for the future, but letting it happen.

President Obama has pledged $3 billion to aid poor nations. All of that $3 billion is going to the United States.

In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching the man because he was completely out of breath.

A congressman from Texas sent out a tweet comparing President Obama to Hitler. That is ridiculous because at this point in his career Hitler had a much higher approval rating.

Don't thank your parents. If you were raised in a nurturing environment, you wouldn't be in show business. Don't say, 'Wow, this is heavy.' Of course it's heavy. It contains the shattered dreams of four other people.

Howard Dean came in a disappointing third place. Afterwards Dean said 'Iowa is behind me and now I look forward to screaming at voters in New Hampshire.'

Success is a lot like a bright, white tuxedo. You feel terrific when you get it, but then you're desperately afraid of getting it dirty, of spoiling it in any way.