They say there are only two kinds of people on St. Patrick's Day: the Irish, and the people that drive them home.
Conan O'BrienTough times for Martha Stewart. Yesterday, Martha Stewart reported to her parole officer and had to take a mandatory urine test for cocaine and marijuana. Martha was found to be drug-free and her urine was found to be a lovely yellow saffron.
Conan O'BrienEgypt has responded to hundreds of thousands of protesters by shutting down the Internet. Just a word of advice: If you want people to stay at home and do nothing, you should turn the Internet back on.
Conan O'BrienEarlier tonight the second Republican debate took place here in California. With 10 men and only one woman, everyone thought they were watching 'The Bachelorette.'
Conan O'Brien