Today, you have achieved something special, something only 92 percent of Americans your age will ever know: a college diploma. Thatโs right, with your college diploma you now have a crushing advantage over 8 percent of the workforce. I'm talking about dropout losers like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg.
Conan O'BrienScientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.
Conan O'BrienIt is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique.
Conan O'BrienA U.N. study claims the happiest country in the world is Switzerland. When asked why they're so happy, Swiss people couldn't answer because their hands were counting money and their mouths were full of chocolate.
Conan O'Brien