In the press this week, NBC has been calling me every name in the book. In fact, they think I'm such an idiot they now want me to run the network.

Donald Trump called George W. Bush 'the worst president in the history of the United States.' Then he added, 'Until, of course, I'm elected.'

The Secret Service said there have been 40 fence-jumping incidents at the White House in the past five years. Half of them were intruders trying to get in. The other half was President Obama trying to get out.

Republican Congressman Duncan Hunter has filed papers to run for president. But in his official filing, he misspelled the word 'president.' Political experts say it's all part of Hunter's plan to attract Bush supporters.

According to a brand new report, alcohol abuse in Ireland is on the rise. Mainly because the guy who didn't drink now does.

Barack Obama, you know has a lot of supporters here in America, but he's very popular internationally. It's quite interesting. This is a true story. It was in the paper. Barack Obama is so popular in the African town where his father was born, they've named a beer after him. That's true. Yeah. So next time you're in Africa, sit back, relax, and enjoy a tall, cold Barackelob Light. Good enough. Clearly not as popular a beer as it used to be.

Playboy magazine announced that they are going to support the troops by sending them emails from Playboy playmates. After hearing this the U.S. troops said 'Just our luck, we get emails from playmates, but we're embedded with Geraldo.'