It's now come out just before his record-breaking 100-meter dash, gold medalist Usain Bolt ate at McDonald's. Apparently he timed his meal so when the race started he would have exactly 9.63 seconds to get to a toilet.

Oprah Winfrey just announced that she's planning to attend Barack Obama's inauguration. Oprah says she's very excited to see Obama become the second-most powerful person in the world.

You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses, and he wears a beret. He is French, people.

I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too.

Donald Trump said that if President Obama releases his birth certificate, Trump will release his tax return. Obama said he won't run for a second term if Trump releases that thing on his head.

It's April 15, tax day. The federal tax code is over 74,000 pages long. But stick with it because after page 72,000, it gets really good.

A public relations firm said that rock star David Lee Roth owes them over $110,000. The strange thing is that it's the first time that David Lee Roth has had any publicity in ten years.