I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder but it's sad that I never knew my real ladder.

I've got wealth and fame but I haven't changed my roots.

Prison widens your circle of friends. In my stand-up, I can now talk about things that no one else has the right to touch.

I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder but it's sad that I never knew my real ladder.

Who needs drugs when you have Takeshi's Castle?

Once journalists have been rifling through your dustbins, you do try and keep them at arms' length.

Critics called me 'egregious' - I had to look that one up - and 'creepy', but now I don't read them, I weigh them.