Prison widens your circle of friends. In my stand-up, I can now talk about things that no one else has the right to touch.

Who needs drugs when you have Takeshi's Castle?

British fans are exceptional, but the American fans are something else. Some of them fly 500 miles to stand in line for three hours, just to meet me, then when they do they collapse.

It's evolve or die, really, you have to evolve, you have to move on otherwise it just becomes stagnant.

I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder but it's sad that I never knew my real ladder.

I've been very lucky, this is my 30th year on TV.

Once journalists have been rifling through your dustbins, you do try and keep them at arms' length.