A dozen swimming events have already been completed in the Olympic competition. I wonder where they got the name 'Speedo.' It doesn't sound like a bathing suit, it sounds like a breakfast cereal for meth addicts.

Technically my dog's naked most of the time. Except halloween, when I dress him up as Liza Minelli.

Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape.

People sometimes say to me: "Craig, get out of my garden."

President Obama announced his re-election campaign, though it’s not really a surprise. He did all the things that make it official: He filed the paperwork, redesigned his website, and printed another fake birth certificate.

I proved to my own satisfaction that I am madder than I think.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.