Don't hit women. Never, ever, ever.

Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something.

The Afghan government is as corrupt as a prostitute with a law degree.

What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!

Even a chameleon needs the proper amount of suction.

A new survey says one in three adults will be dressing up for Halloween. As for me, I'm not going to do anything. I'm going as Congress.

I always wanted to make motion pictures, ever since I was a wee boy, and I was 32, and time was marching on. I met a guy who said, 'Come out to Hollywood for 10 days, and I'll get you a deal.' So I figured, 'OK, 10 days.' On the 10th day, he got me a development deal with Disney, not for a lot of money, but it allowed me to make the move.