I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer -- I'm a dragon irritater.

A lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself.

There is no Thanksgiving back in the old country where I come from. You know why? Because being thankful is a sin.

I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.

When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die.

Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit rock bottom?

I'm so excited about the new iPad, I just iPeed my iPants.