....maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun.

There are plans for a new high-speed train between Los Angeles and San Francisco. It will make the trip time 30 minutes. People in L.A. are like, Yes! And people in San Francisco are like, Yeah, sure, great. We look forward to seeing you.

Fat is where comedy is stored.

The world can be such a fright, but it belongs to us tonight.

People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay teeth.

Technically my dog's naked most of the time. Except halloween, when I dress him up as Liza Minelli.

Strange star-like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah.