....maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun.

I think I'll be Scottish in every movie I write. They always try to talk me out of it, but Woody Allen is always a nebbish New Yorker. Why shouldn't I be a goofy Glaswegian?

These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets.

I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.

Old people really do have a secret though. You wanna know what it is? Luck.

President Obama said that we rely too much on gadgets. He gave a passionate speech about technology, but he had to stop when the teleprompter broke.

Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something.