....maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun.

You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.

The idea of having Australians upset at me is just awful.

That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil.

Climate change is a serious problem. We all need to do what we can. Unless that means I've got to change stuff. Then I'm not doing it.

The White House announced plans to begin normalizing relations with Cuba - this as we're awkwardizing relations with Russia.

It seemed that I performed better sober than drunk. Who knew?