I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.

I think I'll be Scottish in every movie I write. They always try to talk me out of it, but Woody Allen is always a nebbish New Yorker. Why shouldn't I be a goofy Glaswegian?

Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012

These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets.

Acid gave me a clinical, unblinking look at madness, and I discovered I wasn't brave enough to be insane.

I didn't say no because between safety and adventure I choose adventure.

I don't like the whole blowing the candles out ritual... blowing their germs all over the cake. If I want to catch something on my birthday. I don't want it to be from the cake. If you know what I'm saying.