The views expressed by Me are in no way endorsed by CBS any of its allied companies or in fact Me.

I think I'll be Scottish in every movie I write. They always try to talk me out of it, but Woody Allen is always a nebbish New Yorker. Why shouldn't I be a goofy Glaswegian?

I don't like the whole blowing the candles out ritual... blowing their germs all over the cake. If I want to catch something on my birthday. I don't want it to be from the cake. If you know what I'm saying.

Scientists say over the next hundred years, the coast of California will sink almost five feet. So the presidential candidates need to do something. Mitt Romney is conflicted. On one hand, he denies that global warming exists. But if California is under water, he would definitely win the next election.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.

If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.

I had lived in fear of the fabled terrifying visions that assail chronic drinkers, but which had not yet attacked me.