Here is Heimel's Law: Anything you fantasize about won't come true. So just cut it out.

With dogs, you don't need gurus. Dogs are forever in the moment. They are always a tidal wave of feelings, and every feeling is some variant of love.

Sex is not some sort of pristine, reverent ritual. You want reverent and pristine, go to church.

I remember the day we were hanging around the band's commune and Roger came in with the press kit for a rock band (Moby Grape) any of us had ever seen. It looked psychedelic, yet it was done by ad people. I believe the word "hype" was coined on that very day.

Wearing makeup is an apology for our actual faces.

Friends are the twenty-first-century version of extended families.

A comedian is not funny unless he is taking his demons out for a walk.