Dogs and humans are symbiotic species. We need each other.

In New York we have streets exploding and innocent Buddhist girls being stabbed in the neck and cabdrivers refusing to help her. If we happen into a nightclub by mistake, when we leave the doorman will be lying in the street surrounded by police.

With dogs, you don't need gurus. Dogs are forever in the moment. They are always a tidal wave of feelings, and every feeling is some variant of love.

When women are excited about a date, they go immediately on a diet, because all women know they are hideously obese.

Here is Heimel's Law: Anything you fantasize about won't come true. So just cut it out.

A comedian is not funny unless he is taking his demons out for a walk.

Reading is an escape, an education, a delving into the brain of another human being on such an intimate level that every nuance of thought, every snapping of synapse, every slippery desire of the author is laid open before you like, well, a book.